The Sound of Music.

So!  Did you guys watch last night's .... event?  The Sound of Music with Carrie Underwood and Bill Compton?  It was...

Well.

Ok let me start by saying that I LOVE the Sound of Music.  Love it.  It is my childhood.  I spent alot of time at my grandparents house as a kid and this was the movie of choice (my grandma is a Julie Andrews fan).  It lead to HOURS of pretend.  Spinning around the glorious mountaintops of their hilly backyard, wishing SO BADLY to have a dress like Leslie's.  And clearly we were going to be the next Von Trapp family singers even though there were only 4 of us and even though we were cousins not siblings.  DETAILS.

So I've been anticipating this retelling of the story with equal parts dread and excitement.  And I thoroughly enjoyed watching it via social media last night.  Naturally I have some THOUGHTS.  Let's start with the positive.

Things that were awesome:

1.)  The kids.  Seriously they rocked it last night.  Live?  On TV?  With no do-overs?  Those kids were hella talented.

2.)  Vampire Bill.  Ok I couldn't picture him as the Captain at all.  To me this was Vampire Bill does Sound of Music.  And it was awesome:

I just wish he had brought his Billith merkin.

3.) Audra McDonald singing Climb Every Mountain.  knocked it out of the park.

4.)  Matt as the baroness was leaving:  "When God closes the door on a brunette he opens a blonde."  Almost makes up for the lack of "there isn't going to be a baroness anymore"

5.)  These hats:

6.)  The baroness's songs.  Both of these were omitted from the movie version for obvious reasons  (I'm rich, bitch!  And I sympathize with the Nazi's!  Set to music and dance!)  But they put the baroness in context for me.  I finally understood what the Captain saw in her (dollar dollar bills.  Not fantastically drawn eyebrows and perfectly lacquered hair and nails like I previously imagined).  And breaking up with someone because you don't want to fight the Nazi's makes a hell of alot more sense than dumping him so he can get with his servant.

7.)  Wondering about what Julie Andrews was doing.  My guess?  She watched it with some of her gay theater friends who ripped Carrie to shreds while she giggled and half-heartedly told them to be nice.  They also enjoyed a nice Riesling.

Things that were Terrible about the Sound of Music:

1.)  "It's the stage version"  Oh shutup.  I get it.  Things are different because of that.  But if this was really, truly, just the straight up stage version then why didn't they shoot Max?

2.)  WHY WAS THERE NO GAZEBO.  You guys.  Seriously.  How am I supposed to know it's a love scene without the gazebo?  And they had production value for a fountain but no gazebo?  Not impressed.

GAZEBO!

I've actually been to this gazebo - it's outside of Salzburg and I saw it when I was visiting my brother there back in 2003.  It's much smaller than in my childhood memory.

GAZEBO!

3.)  The wedding dress.

REALLY? That's all you got?

4.) Vampire Bill's Blush.  Dude needs to do a pintrest search for "contouring"  That's all I'm sayin.

5.)  These hats.

6.)  The Costumes.  At one point Carrie wears the same choker I had in 1992.  I believe Brenda Walsh had the same one.

7.)  Carrie Underwood's Wig Tape. Ok first of all in the original Julie has short hair BECAUSE SHE'S A NUN.  Nuns do not spend their days meticulously braiding their hair and pinning it up in elaborate updos.  But fine.  You want Carrie to look good (or like some sortof bavarian fantasy chick.  whatever).  AT LEAST GET THE GIRL SOME DECENT WIG TAPE SO HER DO DOESN'T END UP ALL WONKY.

8.)  Rolf not telling on them.  So there's a line in the original where the Reverend Mother tells Maria something along the lines of "you belong to Captain Von Trapp now"  It's awful.  And as a mother of a dauther I hate it all the more.  But you know what?  As a kid I don't remember than anti-feminist statement.  At all.  What I remember is Rolf blowing that whistle.  He supposedly loved her.  But it was stupid teenage love.  Never trust a teenaged boy no matter how much older and wiser because he might sell your whole family out to the Nazi's.  I"m not sure why they changed it in this version but it really changed that whole Liesl story.

Reasons to go see the original RIGHT NOW.

1.)  The wedding.  You know how some images stand out in your mind of how something should be?  THIS.  This is how you do a wedding:

To the point where for a hot minute I debated wearing a wreath on my head when I got married:

Luckily I came to my senses but you bet your ass I had a train.

2.)  The Austrian Travel Porn.  So much of this movie is so stunning.  It's worth watching just for the scenery alone.

Do a Deer is basically a montage of how beautiful Salzburg is.  And without all the majesty the story falls flat.  She's supposed to be ditching out on being a nun because the nature is so enticing.  "The cardboard sets are alive... with the sound of Music!" doesn't quite have the same ring.


3.)  Julie.  Andrews.  So there's a reason I never mentioned Carrie Underwood or her performance or singing or any of it in my List of Things that were Terrible.  And while I agree with most of the internet that she was sub par I just want to tell everyone to leave her alone.  Because she is doing the best she can.

Calm down, guys.  She's doing the best she can.

Because even if she was a decent actress (she's not) there's no way she could ever live up to Julie fucking Andrews.  Seriously.  Julie's Marie is spunky.  And has this fighting spirit that shines through.  Sure she's sweet and nice and good with the kids.  But she's also formidable.  And that underlying strength in Julie's performance is what carries the story.  Because it then makes sense that Maria is not only able to change a steadfast Captain's ways but become his partner in defying the Nazis.  Also?  That bitch can sing.

4.)  This:

5.)  It has a Gazebo in it.  And a twirly white dress.

Have I mentioned the Gazebo?

6.)  What is it you can't face?   Grandma DO NOT click on that.

7.)  The bowing lady.  You'll know what I mean 


Have a great weekend!