Unintentionally Profane.

There is an obscene amount of cussing in this post.  You have been warned.

So my kid has a horrific potty mouth and I"m actually encouraging it.

Wait.

Let me start at the beginning.

When my daughter was around 2 and just starting to get a grasp of the whole language thing she busted out with FUCK!  I was mortified.  And horrified.  And didn't know what to do.  So I sat her down for the whole "some words are adult words" conversation that I knew I would need to have with my children someday.  Except at 2 it went completely over her head.  And she kept up with the FUCK! FUCK!  *I'materribleparentheaddesk*

A week or so after she dropped her first F bomb I heard her dancing around in her room gleefully saying FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!  And I had the revelation.... we just bought her a frog for her fishtank... is she trying to say frog?  30 seconds of conversation with her later and it was clear.  She was happy she had a FUCK in her fishtank to play with her FISH.  No cussing intended.

But I still discouraged her from saying "frog" because I was embarrassed.  I didn't want to have to explain to every passerby "no, really, she's just saying frog!  I swear I'm not that terrible of a mother!"

The FUCK didn't last long - eventually her language developed and the actual frog straight up disappeared from her tank.  I'm about 90% certain the dog ate said FUCK so I never replaced it.

Yum.  Amphibious treats.

But I always felt a little bad that I discouraged her language.  That's the opposite message you want to send to a 2 year old who is so proud of learning a new word.  Especially in that fragile stage where I was her sole interpreter.  The only one who completely understood the subtleties of her words.  So this time around I swore that I wouldn't give a flying frog what other people thought.  I was going to encourage ALL language.

Kids have a way of really testing your intentions don't they?  Because my son has a filthy mouth.

None of it is intentional.  He's not ever actually cussing.  But SO MANY of his words are SO BAD.  Trucks, Rocks, Sharks, and Clocks, are all blatantly, clearly, and without question one word:

COCKS!

It's... disturbing.  And ridiculously embarrassing.  And means that he does things like run through the Cleveland Aquarium shouting COCKS! COCKS! MORE COCKS! TEETH! COCKS!

Or the Cleveland Botanical Garden saying COCKS! NEEAH CLIMB COCK!  WOOOOW! BIG COCK!

I don't get what the problem is.

Oh holy frog kid.  You're killing me here.

Then at lunch the other day he upped his game.  My mom was over and her and my daughter were discussing the animals she would see at the fair this summer.  The dude - never one to be left out of a conversation - busts out loud and proud with FUCKS!

Clear as a bell.  No question.

Obviously he meant frogs.  Which I knew this time from past experience.  But still made me laugh so hard I cried.  So then he continued FUCKS! HOP HOP FUCKS!  which roughly translates to "seriously why are you laughing.  frogs?  the things that hop??? how can you not know what I'm taking about here"

All I can do at this point is laugh.

Because you know what other word fits into his new mold?  Park.

FUCK! WEEEEEEEE! FUCK!  FUN! FUCK! FUN WHEEEE FUCK!

Translated that means "I'm having so much fun going weeee down the slides at the park!" but I don't think that mattered to the other, horrified family that was there.

Meh.  He'll get it eventually.  And until I get to giggle when he plays with rocks at the park.